Following my heart

What do you do if you KNOW you need to get out of a current situation but you are concerned about letting others down? If you know that a decision you want to make will cause a lot of extra work and effort for others, how do you justify going ahead with it?

For two years I have worked in a job that my heart has never been in. However, since I am on a contract (which ends in December) I keep going in, plugging away, smiling all day. A colleague recently said, "You're always smiling, I often wonder 'What is she on?'" Just goes to show that it doesn't take much to fool people.

After spending two weeks away from work, with much of that time focused on yoga and contemplation, I returned yesterday, and know I cannot keep up this facade until December. It is not the workload, it is not the actual tasks I need to perform; it is that I DO NOT FEEL LIKE MYSELF when I am at work, and it hurts me. I try to take yoga to work with me...I try to experience each moment wholeheartedly, I try to truly listen to others and give them everything I can, I try not to expect anything from my colleagues and accept them for who they are, and I try to have gratitude for all that I have.

It just isn't working. Is it that yoga isn't working, maybe because I'm not a good enough yogi? Or is it that yoga is showing me that I cannot continue in my current job, that things need to change?

I just want to be who I am, as I know that we are all perfect just how we are.

Tomorrow, I need to have the strength to tell my coordinators the truth, and be brave enough to go through with sacrificing the familiar to step into the unknown.